I used to blog the nicest, sweetest things about the BF in my previous blog.
Somehow, from somewhere,
all the words will tumble together and form
magical sentences about our relationship,
our quirks and funny moments,
our intimate shared secrets.
Then, I stopped.
I supposed its when what everyone calls the honeymoon period is over
(though mine lasted well over a year)
and I have finally calmed the heart fluttering,
the giddy, drunk feeling of being high on love.
Its unfortunate, cos when i stopped,
i stopped recording all our sweet memories,
i stopped recalling what he did just for me,
i started to forget how it feels to be in love.
Of course came all the quarrels and boo-hoos,
all the pent up frustrations, anger, disappointment.
We parted ways, walked our own paths...
went one big round,
and back to each other.
I cant explain exactly why.
What is it about him that made everything stand still,
that made my heart finally calm,
that made me go..
"there, my heart, you take."
He is not the most perfect man around,
but he is the BF. My BF.
and its all that matters.
I think i finally realised Love is not only about the big gestures.
Its not only about him willing to splurge on a private suite for my birthday,
or a branded handbag,
or a solitaire ring.
Its about him, rejecting all other rings from other brands,
cos i told him i really wanted a princess cut diamond
and even though i changed my mind mid-way
cos it was too expensive,
he went ahead and got me the exact ring i wanted.
Or like how he would specially wake up mid-sleep
just to push the bed to the wall cos he knows i cant sleep if he doesn't.
And light lavender essence when i stay over
even though he plainly likes green tea more.
Its about how he would tell me his mum is making fried rice for dinner
and when i said i missed macaroni,
miraculously, we had macaroni instead cos his mum said
HE wanted macaroni.
Its about how he would always remember to give me
the first and last bite of an ice cream cone
cos those are the only parts i would eat.
And how he would always sigh resignedly
cos his McSpicy is always missing a bite or two
even though i insist on having nuggets.
Its about him giving me ALL his money
cos i was despondently poking at jackpot machines
and whining.. "ah beeeeee, i am pooooor."
Then standing behind me patiently,
shouting for jackpot.
I dont think that its the money that counts.
I think that its cos he wanted me to be happy.
And in the end, all these small little things he did,
it was for me to be happy.
In my more morbid moments,
i used to ask him who would he rather die first,
me or him.
I cant remember his answer
cos I always answer the question first.
"Me, me, me, lemme die first!!"
Cos i would never want to live life without him.
Cos there will be no one else to take care of me.
Cos...who is going to hold my heart for me if you are gone? :)