How old am I to be still yelling and sobbing on the phone?
To have my mum drop tissues quietly onto my lap
because I was crying so badly,
I couldn't see straight.
What more do I have to do?
What more haven't I done?
I am almost perfect, almost.
I give when I should, am polite around the right people,
i don't throw tantrums or embarrass you in front of your friends.
I almost have no temper, anything is fine,
if you want this, I won't disagree.
Your friends don't get it how I can be so understanding.
My friends don't get it why I won't get pissed.
I seldom am, and you know it.
You know it all,
Why am I still crying into the phone,
sobbing so hard my words don't come together into a sentence
and my heart is breaking, my throat hurts
and when, when will you get it?
I really want to be, for once,
a girlfriend who can throw a tantrum,
a girlfriend who can be demanding,
a girlfriend whom would be coaxed.
I am tired of being so okay with everything.
Of trying so hard to be so perfect for you.
I am so damned scared because,
how can I see things as A
and you see it as B
and it never seems to be the same.
And I thought I really knew how you are,
and I maneuvered my way around you,
like a perfect dancer doing her perfect steps,
but how can I get it so wrong sometimes?