Wednesday, December 1, 2010


How old am I to be still yelling and sobbing on the phone?
To have my mum drop tissues quietly onto my lap
because I was crying so badly,
I couldn't see straight.

What more do I have to do?

What more haven't I done?

I am almost perfect, almost.
I give when I should, am polite around the right people,
i don't throw tantrums or embarrass you in front of your friends.
I almost have no temper, anything is fine,
if you want this, I won't disagree.
Your friends don't get it how I can be so understanding.
My friends don't get it why I won't get pissed.
I seldom am, and you know it.
You know it all,
and yet.
Why am I still crying into the phone,
sobbing so hard my words don't come together into a sentence
and my heart is breaking, my throat hurts
and when, when will you get it?

I really want to be, for once,
a girlfriend who can throw a tantrum,
a girlfriend who can be demanding,
a girlfriend whom would be coaxed.

I am tired of being so okay with everything.
Of trying so hard to be so perfect for you.
I am so damned scared because,
how can I see things as A
and you see it as B
and it never seems to be the same.
And I thought I really knew how you are,
and I maneuvered my way around you,
like a perfect dancer doing her perfect steps,
but how can I get it so wrong sometimes?



Anonymous said...

Cheer up :) everything will be okay in the end, if its not okay its not the end. Smile, more happy entries please! :) x.

Anonymous said...

don't be girl.. it will be fine, it always does!! Cheer up!


Anonymous said...

you like to get so emo and hoping people will take sympathy. did you talk about suicide to your boyfriend?

missypixie said...

i have no idea what is "take sympathy" but you must still secretly love me and my life. Cos if you hate me so much, why do you keep coming back? :)

but you are rather funny so i don't mind!